Hate your college roommate (Tips on how to deal)
About the author
Hi there. I am the prolific professor with 15 years of experience teaching online and in-person. I have a graduate degree. I have a passion for education. But I’ve also worked in the professional world (outside of education) too. Thanks for visiting.
I cannot stand my college roommate
Are you in a circumstance where you cannot stand living with your college roommate?
Maybe you were assigned this roommate and you have entirely different personalities and just don’t mesh well together.
Or you roomed with a friend, but realize things aren’t working out anymore.
Either way, you need some help.
See, I was a college professor, and I saw plenty of struggling students dealing with roommate issues.
I know the devastation that this can cause. If you are dealing with these issues, your college coursework might suffer too. It can be hard to study. It can make you stressed out, anxious and less focused.
I am going to help you understand some ways to deal with it.
I was also a college student once and I had to deal with these same issues myself so I have plenty of experience.
Don’t worry. I’ll give you all the information I have to help you deal with your roommate situation.
Figure out the issues first
Okay. Before I start giving you solutions, I have to talk about the elephant in the room.
Sometimes we perceive a problem, and there isn’t one. At least not a serious one.
You might not like your college roommate, and you’re simply nitpicking everything they do.
I had a roommate who got upset that I mixed two different kinds of dish soap into the same container. She didn’t like the fact that the colors were different and it looked weird. Can you believe that?
If that’s the types of things that you are annoyed about, you really need to figure out how to deal with it internally.
Make sure you think about this first. Are you overreacting? Or just being completely unreasonable?
There is a lot of give and take when you are someone’s roommate. And you won’t always get your way.
So, please think about this before you start to go higher up and complain. Are your concerns legitimate? Do you really have a reason to switch rooms and have another roommate or are you being too picky?
But look, I get it. Sometimes there are serious problems that must be dealt with before things get worse. I am not minimizing your struggles one bit.
I just want to make sure you understand the depths of your problems.
Cons of living with a college roommate you hate
Frustration - You’re probably already experiencing frustration, but if you aren’t yet, you probably will. Whenever your roommate does something that annoys you, you’ll likely be frustrated about your circumstances and may not know where to turn for help.
Academic problems - A roommate that has too many wild parties, or constantly blares their music, will likely cause you to have trouble studying and working on assignments. You could see your grades suffer as a result.
Financial loss - Sometimes students in this situations find themselves going out more often to avoid their roommate, which often results in additional costs. Or you may have to move out to only incur fees. It’s a lose/lose situation.
Productivity suffers - If you have a messy roommate, you’ll spend more time cleaning up after them. Or maybe you have a roommate who plays loud music at all hours of the day and you can’t even focus. This causes you to be less productive.
These aren’t the only negative consequences of a bad college roommate, but just a few of the most common ones.
It’s important for you to understand how best to deal with this situation so you don’t have to worry about these consequences.
What to do if you don’t like your college roommate?
Look, you need answers and you need them NOW. You’ve been dealing with this for far too long. And you just want help.
Here are a few things you can do to get the help you need.
But before you do these things, you need to gather your evidence.
If you are complaining about the noise your roommate makes, record a video for support. If they are violating the rules, write the violations down, along with the date, and any other necessary details.
Keep in mind the laws of your state or country if you are going to record anything. You could be violating the law. You may need their consent first. But as a last resort, just write everything down and take detailed notes.
The point here is to keep a detailed record.
When you go talk to individuals who can offer support, you need to be able to show support for your arguments.
If you go empty handed, it is going to be harder to prove your case.
This will also help you understand what it is that is really bothering you. Sometimes we might not like someone and just can’t quite explain why.
But when you start to write down these instances, you will start to see a behavioral pattern. And it can help you understand if your concerns are warranted.
And sometimes writing these things down will help you understand that your complaints are silly and you could just deal with it yourself.
And you need to make sure that you aren’t complaining about normal things like your roommate left a dirty sock in the living room once.
After you’ve done that, here are a few things you could try next.
Talk to your resident advisor
If you are living in a dorm room, you probably have a resident advisor. The resident advisor can give you some options and solutions for your problem. The resident advisor is there for these purposes. They may be able to give you options for relocation or can help be a mediator to talk to your roommate. If you don’t have a resident advisor, talk to the leasing manager (if it’s an apartment).
Talk to your roommate
This isn’t going to be the most popular choice, but it can definitely be productive with the right approach. You will need to be level headed and calm when you talk to them. And keep an open mind. You might have to compromise too. Maybe they aren’t happy either, and want things to change too. Just be ready to stay calm and focus on the facts. This isn’t a time to argue, but a time to resolve the conflict.
Talk to a counselor
Some colleges will offer personal counseling to their students, and most of the time it is FREE. See if your university offers this. You can talk and vent about your problems to help you cope. These services are here for students to get the help they need. While the counselor may not be able to solve your problem, they can give you the emotional tools to deal with it better.
Move out
If you can, try and relocate. Maybe you can get reassigned another roommate, or you could move out and live on your own. This entirely depends on your circumstance, but it might be your only option. Just make sure you understand any financial and legal consequences first. Did you sign a contract? Are you financially liable for any unpaid rent? Check to make sure you aren’t violating any terms of your agreement before you jump ship.
How to live with a college roommate you don’t like
Sometimes there isn’t a solution besides having to cope with your situation.
I know you may not want to hear it, but you might not be able to get a new roommate or move out. So, you might be stuck.
I think that you can still overcome it, and be a better person because of it.
Here are some ways to still be happy and continue living with someone you don’t like.
Spend less time at home - If you can, go to a student union or library. Is there any space on campus where students can lounge? Go there as often as possible. You could also join student organizations or an intramural sport to give you something else to do.
Create a schedule - If your roommate is hogging the living room and it’s a shared space, maybe you can agree on a schedule to share it. If you are having trouble sleeping because they play music late at night, or slam pots and pans in the kitchen for a late night snack, maybe you can come up with a schedule to avoid this.
Wear noise cancelling headphones - If you are annoyed because they play loud music, or binge watch T.V. shows in the living room all night, invest in some headphones to help you mute out the sound. It might not be ideal, but this situation is only temporary.
Get to know them - Maybe you are misunderstanding each other. Or your roommate is purposefully ignoring your needs because they don’t like you either. Try opening up to them and get to know them better. Maybe they will respect you more.
What not to do when you can’t stand your roommate
Don’t yell
Don’t touch their belongings
Don’t violate the law
Don’t overreact
Don’t be unreasonable
Don’t disrespect them
Is it normal to not like your college roommate?
As a former college professor who interacted with a lot of college students, I would say that it is pretty common to have some issues with your roommate. However, it is not entirely normal to not like your college roommate.
Sure, you are going to have your problems, but it shouldn’t be an ongoing issue.
Some college students are experiencing living alone for the first time. And you may not have been able to pick your roommate. Even if you did get to pick your roommate, you may still have some complaints about them. That’s pretty normal. They may have different habits than you and that can be hard to get used to.
But don’t let this situation dominate your life. If you are having trouble with your roommate, and it causes you a great deal of stress, please use my tips above.
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