I’m scared to talk to my professor

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Why am I scared to talk to my professor?

Students may be scared to talk to their college professors because they have a previous bad experience, they suffer with social anxiety, or they are nervous to talk to someone who has authority. Students who are scared to talk to their professors should remember that professors are typically friendly and willing to talk to their students. Students who are afraid to start a conversation can try a few things first to prepare for this conversation and make it easier to approach their professors.

As a professor, I get students who won’t approach me. But they would really benefit from talking to me for a variety of reasons.

Do you want to talk to your professor to learn more about a career?

Or maybe discuss your grade?  

Maybe you want to talk about your struggles or personal issues, but are too afraid?

I am going to share some things with you that will make it easier for you to talk to your professor.

Why am I scared of my professor?

College students are afraid to talk to their professors because they may be intimidated by their education, experience and power. It isn’t uncommon for college students to be scared of their professor because they have authority over their grade. But it doesn’t have to be this way.

I have included the TOP FOUR reasons why students would tell me that they were nervous to talk to their professors.

1.) They’re better than me

I have heard this so many times. Students are afraid to talk to their professors because they think that professors are superior to them, and too educated that they’ll feel stupid.

Maybe you think that your professor will be condescending or make fun of you. This is likely all in your head. I have dealt with very few professors that are mean to their students. And those mean professors don’t last long in academia. Sure, they exist, but they are much rarer than you think. Most professors that I have ever interacted with, and it’s a lot, are very professional.  

2.) Experience

Sometimes students will tell me that they don’t want to tell their professors that they need help because they feel uneducated. Sure, your professors are supposed to know more than you. That’s why they are getting paid to teach you. But professors aren’t expecting their students to be experts in the field yet. Don’t let those thoughts overcome you. You’re not supposed to know more than your professor.

3.) Power

Some students may be fearful of talking to their teachers because they are in a position of power.  And they worry how they’ll be perceived. You may be concerned about what your professor will think of you. Will this impact your grade?

Sometimes just talking to someone who has power over you can be intimidating. You want to impress them, but are worried you’ll stutter, or sound silly.

4.) Anxiety or self-esteem

You might be afraid to talk to your professor because you suffer from anxiety or low self-esteem. And being afraid to talk to your professor isn’t an isolated issue. And it’s probably something you deal with on a more frequent basis.

If you suffer from social anxiety, you might be scared to talk to your professor because of your psychiatric illness rather than the student-professor relationship.

And if you have low self-esteem, you may also have difficulty doing other similar tasks.    

How do I stop being scared of my professor?

If college students want to get over their fear and talk to their professors, they have to understand that their professors were once in the same position they are in and that they are people too. Professors will likely be impressed that their students are confident enough to approach them.

I will address some of the issues above and tell you why you shouldn’t be afraid to talk to your professors.

They are people too.

If you think that they are better than you, more educated than you, more powerful than you, you’re wrong.

Sure, they may have more experience in the field, know the material better than you, and have authority over your grade, but they are human beings too and no one is better than someone else. We all have unique talents that make us individuals.

They make mistakes, they are inferior to someone else (their deans and other prolific professors), and they are bound by policies from their institution.

Professors were once an undergraduate student.

While it may have been awhile ago, they remember what it was like to be learning the ropes. Don’t be intimated by them.

As a former professor, I remember what is was like to see my much older professors in tenured positions. I was nervous and I thought they were prestigious. It made it hard to talk to them, but looking back, I shouldn’t have ever felt that way.

Even professors struggle with their own self-esteem occasionally.

They don’t likely feel superior to their students.

Some may have an ego, and if they’re condescending, that’s not representative of most professors and it is probably something internal with that person on an individual level. If you met them on the streets, they’d probably act the same way. Just know it’s something wrong with them, and not you. 

I recommend that you don’t read any reviews on the ratings websites for professors. Sometimes you might read negative reviews from students that impact your perception. This could make you more fearful of that professor. It is better to go in blindly. So stay off those websites!

If you struggle with anxiety or low self-esteem, you may need to talk with a professional to receive therapy to deal with these internal struggles.

How to talk to your professors without being nervous

If you are afraid to talk to your professors, remember that they are people just like you and they will think you have a lot of confidence to reach out to them. As a former professor, if you are nervous to talk to them, I recommend that you come prepared and be ready to ask them about their research or experience.

The vast majority of college faculty are very nice people. But I will give you a step-by-step guide to talk to your professors.

Break the ice

First, I would recommend sending them an email. This might be an email regarding your interest in their research or a concern about some material from the course.

I would just send an email about some trivial issue first. This will likely make your professor recognize your name when you talk to them in person. And they will think you are interested in the course. It can build some rapport.

After communicating with them a few times via email, ask to schedule an appointment. This will ensure the professor has adequate time to meet with you. And will allow you some time to prepare.

Practice first

But before you show up, practice what you plan to say. Before I would do a presentation, I would record myself first. I would play it back, and see where I messed up. Don’t sound too rehearsed though. This just helps you plan out the conversation in your head.  You can record your voice on your cell phone.

Then practice with someone else. Ask your friend or family to help play the part of the professor. Sure, this may seem silly, but it really works! You feel more comfortable about the conversation.

You can also practice in the mirror as a last resort.

Go prepared

Think of things your professor might ask you. Don’t just show up and say, I want to talk about my grades. While this can start a conversation, you’re leaving your professor with very little information to work on.

I suggest going in more depth. Or at least writing down some information for your professor that you can reference later. For example, if you want to talk about your grades, you might want to write down your current grades, review the syllabus, and determine what specific questions you have for your professor.

They will be impressed that you were prepared and concerned enough to come and speak with them.

Whatever the conversation is about, think forward about how that conversation might go and come prepared with additional answers for your professor’s questions.

I find that the more prepared you are, the less nervous you are going to be.

Meet with them

Show up on time, and be respectful. Start with something casual to begin with. The weather, their office decor, or recent news in their field.

Anything to help start a conversation. They will likely fill in the rest.

After the casual conversation, go in with specific questions and have intent. Remember, you’ve come prepared. Definitely feel free to look at your notes. This can really help stay on task.

You should have practiced this conversation before you came to the appointment, so continue as planned.

Your professor has likely had many encounters with students, and will help expand the conversation.

Don’t ramble. Stick to the task.

And know that a little silence is okay. People often feel nervous with silence, but just relish in the silence and collect your thoughts.

Be appreciative of their time, and follow-up with an email thanking them for their contributions. Although not necessary, it would really stand out.

And remember, if you got a disrespectful response from a professor, you could always reach out to their boss and discuss the matter. Or leave this information on your student evaluation. Even though they are in the educational field, you are still a customer.

But remember, only reserve that for serious matters.

How are you supposed to talk to your professors?

When students talk to their professors, I always recommend talking about something your professor is interested in because that will make it easier for them to continue the conversation and you won’t have a lot of silence.

Look at their faculty bio which is almost always online. Go to your college’s website and find your professor’s bio. What does it say? Is there something you can talk about that will make them feel like you are genuinely interested in them?

I find that this can be flattering to your professor. Just make sure you are genuine. This will help you get to know them on a professional level.

You can also check their curriculum vitae (fancy word for resume). Look at any research, publications, jobs, positions, etc. You can mention this to them, and they will be shocked that you took the time to review their vitae.

You won’t likely have to talk much. They will probably converse more than you and lead the conversation.

How to talk to an intimidating professor

When students feel like their professor is intimidating and want to talk to them, I recommend that students start the conversation about something their professor has knowledge of so that that they will open up and take the lead.

If you have an intimidating professor, you are obviously more scared to speak to them because you’re likely afraid that your professor will make you feel stupid and inferior.

But I really encourage you to dig deep and avoid these negative thoughts. While some professors may seem intimidating because their demeanor, your conversation with them will likely go just fine.

If you have an intimidating professor, I recommend that you start the conversation about something they have experience with like their research or interests in the field. Once you start the conversation about something that they are passionate about, and you can potentially flatter them, they’ll likely open up.

This is my BEST tip. Find a way to weave into the conversation something they have a deep interest in. If you can find their faculty bio or curriculum vitae online, you can really find out a lot about their interests in the field.

• Did they just publish a paper?

• Did they go to a particular college you could bring up?

• Do they have certain research interests?

These are all things that can help you be less scared to talk to your intimidating professor because they’ll relax and be flattered that you want to talk about them or can relate to them.

Key takeaways

Your professors are people too. They were once undergraduate students just like you.

If they have an ego, it’s not you, it’s them.

Practice your conversation first. Record it. Listen to it, and perfect it.

Then practice the conversation with a friend or family member.

Write down notes and get prepared to talk to them.

And remember, if you were ever really disrespected, professors have to answer to people too. You could always talk to their superiors or leave that information on your student evaluation.

You got this.

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