Can I be friends with my professor? (written by one)
Can professors befriend students?
Professors can absolutely befriend students, however, these friendly relationships can become problematic because the professor has power and authority over the student which could lead to some unfair advantages and favoritism. Most institutions don’t have any policies restricting friendships between professors and their students.
I can understand that some professors and students want to become friends with one another but it really isn’t in anyone’s best interest to become friends in these situations.
Professors have so much power and authority over students like their grades. If anything were to ever go wrong in the friendship, the professor could do something unfair. Let’s say there was an argument, or bad feelings, the professor could grade more harshly.
While things might be going good for awhile, you never know when things might take a turn for the worse. I mean, how well do you really know your professor anyway? It is not something I would risk.
On the flip side, the professor could also treat that student differently and other students might complain. The next thing you know, the Dean is in the professor’s office investigating the claims. You could get them in trouble unknowingly.
So while professors and students can technically become friends, it doesn’t make it right. Other students might perceive this friendship as favoritism.
Or it could disrupt the classroom dynamic. Maybe the professor calls on their favorite student all the time, or always does favors for them like letting an absence slide or turning in an assignment late. Other students will start to notice.
As a former professor, when I first started teaching, I had a few students who tried to befriend me. While I never got personal with my students, they were always coming up to me before and after class to chat, being too informal, and other students started to notice.
In my student evaluations that every student filled out at the end of the semester, a student commented on how they thought I had favorite students and it made them annoyed. They felt like I treated those students differently even though I didn’t. But because the students were friendly, they thought I favored them more than the rest of the class.
I learned my lesson that year and made sure that I was strictly professional and never let other students think that I had made friends with my students.
It is really important to consider the age of the student too. Sometimes students could be minors and it would be strange to be friends with a professor as a child. But if you are considered an adult, it shouldn’t be too weird.
Another consideration is if the student is an employee of the college or under the supervision of the professor like a graduate student who is a professor’s teaching assistant.
These relationships could be an issue.
Can I be friends with my professor after graduation?
After graduation, professors and their students could become friends. Once a student is graduated from the college, there shouldn’t be any problems with becoming friends with your professor as long as the relationship is reciprocated.
If you think that your professor was friendly to you, and gave off vibes that they wanted to be your friend too, you could reach out to them and continue communication. You will surely know soon if the friendship is going to go anywhere when you try and reach out after you’ve graduated.
If they continue to remain very professional, they probably don’t want to become friends with you.
Almost all of the professors that I knew were never friends with their students before or after graduation. It just didn’t happen.
However, these circumstances may change. Let me give you a real example. I knew of a biology professor that taught for 30 years. He said a former student graduated, went on to get their graduate degree and came back and worked at their university alongside him. They ended up being colleagues. In this instance, becoming friends might not seem so strange.
But this is rare.
If you have a lot of things in common, outside of college, you could possibly be friends without any problems. It isn’t entirely unheard of for professors and former students to be friends. Heck, I’ve heard of some professors marrying their former students. But usually some time has past or the college student was around the same age as the professor.
If I were to recommend that students become friends with their professors, I would say that students could be friends after graduation instead of during their college career barring any unusual circumstances.
Can I give my professor a hug?
Students can give their professor a hug if it is MUTUAL but they should consider why they are giving them a hug first. If a student wants to hug their professor because they like them, it isn’t a good idea. If they want to give them a hug at the end of the semester and this is their way of thanking them for a wonderful term, it is okay.
If you want to give your professor a hug just because you like them, I would avoid that.
If you want to give your professor a hug because you want to thank them or tell them goodbye after the semester is over, you could do that.
But before you go in for a hug, you might ask them if it’s okay first. There is nothing wrong with asking them if you could give them a friendly hug.
As a former professor, I would much rather have a student ask me for a hug before they lunged towards me. Some people might not be okay with physical touch from others, especially their students, so you should ask someone before you invade their personal space.
And before you hug them, make sure you think about the type of hug you will give them too. I would keep it casual and hug them like you would hug a long lost relative. This will ensure professionalism.
Can a professor be a best friend?
A college professor could be your best friend, but it can get complicated very fast. If you formed the friendship during your college career, it could be awkward to be their best friend. But if you were friends with them before joining their class, it wouldn’t be too strange.
There are lots of students who are non-traditional students, and these students might actually have professors for friends.
It wouldn’t be odd to be best friends in those situations where a friendship already existed before you enrolled in their class.
But if you become best friends with your professor as a traditional student, I would be concerned.
Is it ethical for professors to be friends with their students?
As a former professor, I would say that is it NOT ethical for professors to become friends with their students because it blurs the lines between the student and the professor. The student might feel like they could get away with more things. Or the professor might feel obligated to let that student off the hook more often, which is unethical.
Most professors will maintain professionalism in the classroom, and if a professor is becoming best friends with their students, I worry that they might not be professional.
I am not saying it is entirely wrong, and that a professor is unethical if they develop friendships, but it could be problematic.
Other students might perceive this friendship differently than you and it could cause some jealousy from others.
Also, if this friendship goes sour, you might be treated unfairly.
I would avoid being best friends with my professor and save that for after graduation.
How should I become friends with my professor?
If you want to become friends with your professor, you should talk to them during office hours frequently, gauge their demeanor, and slowly talk about more personal things with them, but keep it platonic. And I would advise students wait until AFTER GRADUATION to become friends with their professors.
I know that you might still want to be friends with your professor, even after reading my entire article, and I can respect that.
Every situation is different, and it might be perfectly acceptable for you to be friends with your professor.
Your professor may have been an important mentor in your life, or they might have made an incredible impact and you don’t want that relationship to stop once you leave their class.
I get that. If you want to be friends, you should casually talk to them more often. Send them an occasional email, and see how they respond.
You could also stop by during office hours and talk about something related to their field. And as things progress, you could talk about more personal things.
Finally, you could find something that they are interested in, like an event related to their subject, and ask them if you would like to go with you.
If they remain professional, they probably don’t want to be friends.
You should also remember that a friendship with your professor might be different than you think. You might not be hanging out on the weekends, or texting outside of business hours.
But you could maintain a professional relationship and that’s okay too.
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